Monday, February 28, 2011

the fog lifts, then resettles...

Yesterday, I was thinking about how the fog I have been in for the last 6 weeks felt like it was lifting.  It had been a couple of days since my last melt down, and I was feeling more ready to reintroduce myself to my normal outings with my son.  Playgroups such as Strong Start, or Open Gym, with the myriad of pregnant bellies and newborns seemed less frightening.

And then last night I had the dream.

I dreamt that I was taking ski lessons on the hill, and mid lesson I realized that I didn't know where my baby was.  I had left her with a family member (I don't know who it was, but I am sure they were supposed to be family), but didn't have my cell on me and didn't know how to reach them.  Next scene I am running through the streets of my old home town looking for the house that I had left my baby with my family member, but I couldn't remember where the house was, and I didn't remember the town well enough to really guess.  I was just running, and running, and it was getting late, and dark.  Where was my baby?  Who had her?  Would I find her?  It was getting late.  And dark.  Late.  And dark.

And then I woke up.  Where was my baby girl??

Oh yeah.

I remember now.

No waking up from this nightmare.

Aaaaaaand the fog is back.

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