So, I feel like I really need to clear something up that has been pressing on my mind for a while.
Often, when people find out about what happened to Love, they say "You are so lucky that you have Avery!!", or some reasonable facsimile. And is this true? Abso-freakin-lutely. Yes, Avery is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I love him more than I ever thought possible. He brings so much joy to my life, he is adorable, he is cuddly, he is hilarious,... Well, I could go on.
But, he doesn't "fix" what has happened. I have a picture in my head of what it's like that I would like to share:
When I had Avery, a brand new chamber in my heart opened up that I didn't even know existed. It filled with love for my sweet little boy, and I never knew I could be so completely wrapped around such a little persons finger. This chamber in my heart is full to overflowing.
When I had Love, a whole new chamber in my heart opened up. This chamber is in a different location, far from Avery's chamber. It is a chamber all unto itself. And it is empty. It is open, and raw, and empty. It longs for Love to fill it every day, but she is not here. The ONLY thing that can fill this chamber is Love, my daughter. It will remain empty for the rest of my life.
So, yes! I am absolutely lucky that I have Avery, and I know that every minute of every day. But the love in his chamber cannot flow over and fill Love's chamber. They are completely separate, and unique. So on one hand I am filled with love to overflowing, and on the other I am empty.
I hope that makes sense. If I ever do decide/try/succeed at having another child, I imagine that a third chamber will open up that will be unique to that child. And I hope that it will be filled to overflowing like the first...