Tuesday, April 5, 2011

That's amore. Okay, maybe not...

Help!  I need some feedback here about intimacy after baby loss.

The other night as we were settling in for the night, my hubby sort of let me know he was "in the mood".
I knew this would come up eventually, and didn't know how I felt about it, until that night.

Mr.LMF gave me the signs that he wanted to be amorous, and I totally came unglued.  It had been 9 weeks since we had Love, and to be fair to Mr.LMF, due to the cerclage, we haven't been able to do it in MONTHS.  So, he's ready.  But I'm not.

When I really thought about being touched anywhere near that area, it just seemed so wrong.  I still remember so vividly the feeling of Love being born, so I cannot switch gears and allow that area to be used for fun, because the thought of intimacy in that way just brings up all these negative emotions and feelings, and I don't know how to wrap my head around that.

I know I need to talk to a professional about this, but I thought I would look for feedback here as well.  

Has anyone else dealt with this?  What did you do?  Were you able to overcome??  Will I ever be able to relax and enjoy being physical again?  HELP!!! 


  1. It gets easier again.... really it will... for the first while after we were intimate again, it was for him, I truly wasn't in the mood, but he had been so patient for so long.. I couldn't even THINK about sex for a long time afterwards... like you said, it's hard to switch gears and to use our bodies for fun again, after we've lost a baby. Maybe it wasn't the healthiest way (emotionally) for me. It worked. I'm okay again, and while my drive is nowhere near where it was before...
    I don't know when we would ever have gotten around to it if we had waited for me to be ready. Because to take that leap was huge.
    Cudos to you for asking the question! I've wanted to blog about it before, but was too shy to put it out there!

  2. that doesn't quite answer the way I meant it to either... I wanted to say that it gets easier, even to the point where it's enjoyable again. My first comment made it look like it's something I'm "suffering through" LOL!

  3. Sherri made a good point. If I had waited till I was ready it may have been a much longer time also. I had a lot of the same emotions you had too. But, taking the leap actually helped me to heal emotionally. It helped both of us. Take care