Okay, the hubby is out tonight watching hockey with his buddies, so I have been able to catch up on my blogging. Three in one day! Crazy. Also, the boy is sleeping so that helps...
I am blogging while watching the hockey game. Its 7-3 for the Canucks, which is awesome. I am not a huge hockey fan in the regular season, but I LOVE the playoffs if the Canucks are doing well. And we are in the semi-finals, so it is fun to watch. I also grew up in a family of all women (mother and two sisters), so needless to say, we didn't spend much time watching hockey in my formative years. So, I am quite impressed with myself that I am watching the game even though the hubby is not here. Go me!!!
So, I have been thinking lots lately about "what should have been". I am coming up on Love's estimated due date: May 31st. I would have gotten my cerclage out a couple of weeks ago (around 36 weeks). I would be getting her room all ready. Andy and I would have been taking bets on whether it was a boy or a girl. I am pretty good at guessing (I was SURE Avery was going to be a boy, and he was; I was pretty sure I was expecting a girl this time, and I was), so I might have been pocketing some $$ for being right in the near future. I would have been HUGE right about now, and bitching about how friggin' uncomfortable I'm sure I would have been... I would have been packing to get ready to stay at a friends house in Van until I went into labour and had our baby. I was planning on having a nice, short, easy labour, with very little pain, and no drugs (Hey, this is my daydream - I can say what I want!). But... ugh. No such luck. I'm sure you get that none of that is going to happen...
Mothers day was hard. My hubby gave me a card from him and Avery and it had hearts all over it. He outlined one of the hears with a pen and wrote Love's name beside it. I lost it. I sobbed. Andy's mom Sue was here and got to witness my meltdown. I actually don't mind that she saw that. sometimes I feel like it is a good thing for people (especially close family) to see our pain and to realize that it is not over for us.
Oh, but to go back a bit, all I asked for for Mothers Day was the chance to sleep in, and for a homemade gift (SPOILER ALERT: I didn't get either! A bunch of bitching follows.)
Avery came into our room at about 6:30am to get us up. Andy tried to get him to cuddle with us (which he does not like to do), then he tried to get him to play for a while. Avery protested and made a tone of noise because he just wanted to play. About every 5 minutes or so, Avery wanted to come into the bedroom to see what Mommy was doing. Get up Mommy! Mommy come too! Pancakes Mommy! Sippy??!! Needless to say, I did NOT get to sleep in. So then, I get up, and my dear sweet hubby thinks that Pancakes are a GREAT idea, and since no one makes pancakes quite as well as I do (even though I follow a recipe that I found online, so basically anyone who knows how to read and can follow directions could make them just as well) I should just go ahead and make my "famous pancakes". So, I get to make my own Mothers Day breakfast. And, since that tactic worked, I think he must have said something along the lines of that no one cleans the kitchen as well as I do either, because somehow I ended up cleaning the kitchen after breakfast too. On mothers day. We were off to a great start!
Then I get my card that I mentioned above. That was really sweet, and as I said, it brought me to tears. I really really really friggin' missed my little girl. I felt like I had a gaping open wound in my chest throughout the day.
(I should mention the second part of my request for Mothers day: a homemade present. Well, as my gift, my dear sweet hubby is going to get me a bathroom vanity for our new house. The brainiac who designed the master bath put a pedestal sink in there if you can even believe that. Who does that? Anyways, we are getting a new vanity. I'm not sure that this counts as "homemade", but it is made for the home, so I will let it count. I'm feeling generous...)
Anyways, I gotta run b/c the hubby just got home. I'm all typed out.
Thanks for reading!